Dryhavich's Breakfast (or his Race to Shamble out of Bed in the Morning)

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Dryhavich's Breakfast (or his Race to Shamble out of Bed in the Morning)

Postby Dryhavich » Fri May 29, 2015 2:38 am

I'm bored as hell, so you all are going to bear witness to me spewing drivel on this thread. I apologize if this causes a mental breakdown - there will be no trigger warnings from me. Nope. Never.

First, I pull that goddamn Baltic Rye out of the freezer. That stuff is literally my coffee - rye flour is the dirt that makes Dry's plants grow. I plug the contraption known as a toaster in in a hung-over stupor, and set two perfect quarter-inch-thick slices of that godly bread in the toaster. Don't forget to set the toaster to bake at 400 degrees. Two minutes is all that it'll take. Believe me.

I then take the honkin' norwegian lox out of the fridge and slap it onto a plate. Breakfast without lox isn't breakfast. No. Don't disagree, because you know it's true.

Finally, I pour myself a glass of REAL, unhomogenized, 100% organic (no bullshit) milk, and spread pickled herring upon the bread.

Fish makes a man stronk. If you don't believe me, you can go buy a car from Big Bill Hell's and give them a check for payment (but don't let it bounce, or you're a dead motherfucker). Fish will spawn inside the car and feed upon your manly vigor.


See? Even Seaking agrees.


See this man? See this godforsaken, motherfucking exemplary human being? You could be like him too... if you ate more fish.
Cattle die, kindred die,
Every man is mortal:
But the good name never dies
Of one who has done well

-Havamal 76

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